comes with the territory; an open letter concerning the genderfluid life

There is a gap that not many see.

A place between the binary countries.

A frontier explored by few.

I walk this narrow, winding path; a precarious valley and boundary that separates the two sexes - neither male nor female, something new, without title. And I stray, and I certainly stumble, pausing only to tend to cuts and bloodied knees from the jagged rocks on either side. I come up gasping for air like drowning sailor, when suddenly washed away and lost in the tides from the two sectors. I awake on strange shores, bruised and exhausted; one day I find myself in a frock and heels, and the next, a suit and tie.  Either way I am a foreigner, wary of the locals, and tender and sore on all accounts. I climb for many weary nights to return to my beloved middle ground. Above all, I prefer my pilgrim’s journey of solitude, in the canyon between, at peace with my own manner, speech, and dress.

I clutch my glass of wine in the early hours of the morning like a life preserver, alone and afraid.

On the rare days that I accomplish to walk the narrow, winding path, the devil on my shoulder laughs with maniacal glee at the public’s confused expressions, and the way they trip over their words - ever unsure of how to address me. But if asked to explain myself, or outright chided for my pell-mell appearance, the soft-shell heart within me bleeds for days. The children stare with widened eyes, and whisper behind their hands to parents who do not directly gaze out of shy, conservative politeness as I pass them on the streets, in my amalgamation of genderless clothing.

You question, and define with your drawn brow and darkened eyes; your shouts that ring out in the parking lots, or the way you avoid contact with me altogether. Were you ever given the task to find a label for everyone in the world? Then no, do not take this upon yourself, as it is not your job in life. I beg of you to only see me as another human - not as a trespasser into your side of the gender fence.

Lay down your arms.

There is a gap that not many see, or hear, or know.

A place between the binary countries, sometimes under fire.

A frontier explored by few, but frowned upon by many.

It is at once a nightmare, and the freshest taste of freedom I have ever known.

I shoulder my pack and continue on the narrow, winding path.